A district court in Pune saw a bizarre exchange between a woman who had accused her husband of domestic violence and a judge who was acting as a mediator. At one point during the exchange, the judge tells the woman why would her husband be interested in her if she doesn’t wear mangalsutra and sindoor.
A disputes lawyer in Pune, Ankur R Jahagirdar, shared the incident through a LinkedIn post which is now in wide circulation on social media. In the post, Ankur shared he witnessed a couple, who had separated a while ago, was being encouraged by a judge to solve the matter amicably.
During the course of mediation, he says, the judge turns to the woman and says, “I can see that you are not wearing a mangalsutra and bindi. If you don’t behave like a married woman, why would your husband show any interest in you?”
This is not a one off incident of a woman being reprimanded for not wearing mangalsutra or bindi. In 2022, the Madras High Court granted divorce to a man after observing that not wearing mangalsutra by an estranged wife would amount to subjecting the husband to “mental cruelty of the highest order.”
In the same post, Ankur also shared about one of his own cases, where the sessions judge asked his client, a woman, to show “some flexibility” while mediating. The comment was likely based on his client’s maintenance demands, Ankur said.
He quoted the judge as saying, “If a woman is earning well, she will always look for a husband who earns more than her and will never settle for someone who earns less. However, if a man who earns well is looking to marry, he might even marry a maid who washes utensils in his house. Look how flexible men are. You should also show some flexibility. Don’t be so rigid.”
Ankur said that while he didn’t like these remarks, what he didn’t like more was that “neither the client nor an onlooker such as myself really had any proper recourse against such off-hand remarks made by judges.”
Describing these incidents as just tip of the iceberg, Ankur said that a lot more happens in sessions court which would shock the conscience of any rational person. “Unfortunately, I think our society has a baseline tolerance for some outrageous things. Why it is this way is obvious – the first rule of patriarchy club is you do not talk about the patriarchy club,” he added.